Sports-a-thon Overdose

In case you were wondering what Sports-a-thon overdose looks like, you are more than welcome to read the following article and find out all about it. Even if you have never heard about this event, do not feel bad about it! In fact, I did not even know anything about it when I did not have to go through it. So, this post goes to all new moms who are new to Sports-a-thons, or field days, and eager to learn more about it. Believe me, after reading this you will feel like you have been through it with me!

Today is my 8th annual Sports-a-thon. You might know the event as “field day” for your child.

The first time I partook in a Sports-a-thon, Evan was in kindergarten. I had my camera at the ready. I was 15 minutes early and stayed until the last closing announcement was made.

The second time, I did the same.

The third time, I realized I was going to be going to sports-a-thonsfor the rest of my thirties and the novelty wore off….way off. Evan was a 2nd grader that year; Ellie a kindergartener. In other words, two sports-a-thons in one day.

That’s a lot of scooters and long jump.

The next year I begged Evan to let me stay home, in a very passive aggressive fake “I’d love to come but I’m sure you don’t want me there with your friends” kind of way. He wanted me there.

So there I was. Evan was a third grader and Ellie a first grader. Two sports-a-thons in a day again.

I can do the obstacle course in my sleep. Now that I was sports-a-thon Mommy six times over, I had some issues with the way things are run.

  1. The college students give points for an event- and the scores are completely arbitrary. Then the kids compare sheets and there’s some serious drama over who beat who. What they don’t know is that Johnny sophomore turned one kid’s 15 into a 85 because he was stoned out of his mind and wanted to make the “8″ look like a pair of sideways boobs.
  2. The events never change. It’s always the same ten– Jog, jump rope, long jump, high jump, frisbee toss, soccer kick, tee-ball, basketball, scooters, obstacle course. It’s sad that I didn’t need a notecard to remember those. Straight off the top of my tired unathletic head. I was hoping each year might be a bit different- for my sake damnit!
  3. There’s no competition. If they wanted to keep parents from that glazed over look– you know the one I’m talking about: Their iPhone burns in their back pockets and Moms try to smile and act all involved, but really they are using all their self-control to not whip out the phone and write a snarky comment on Facebook about being in Sports-a-thon hell. If they pitted classrooms against each other, maybe we’d be more apt to cheer and be involved….and beat each other up.

That would be a really fun blog post to write.


Yesterday, I went to Eden’s first (of four) sports-a-thons. I tried to bring back my excited enthusiastic mojo juice for her. After all, she’s a virgin sports-a-thon contendee. It was my 7th go around.

Today is my 8th.

Not that I’m counting, but I have 1 more for Ellie next year- and three more for Eden. In other words, 12 sports-a-thons.

Thank Goodness Evan is now in another school where the Sports-a-thon doesn’t exist.

Or so I thought. Yesterday he came home with a note about….

You guessed it.

Field day.